


Plastic Love

by orphan_account



Category: Ensemble Stars! (Video Game)
Genre: Alternate Universe - College/University, Angst, Implied/Referenced Alcohol Abuse/Alcoholism, M/M, Sad with a Happy Ending, Songfic, just know that they are of age and they are legal adults ok, kind of? its barely referenced anyway
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2017-10-26
Updated: 2017-10-26
Packaged: 2019-01-23 14:15:53
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 1
Words: 2,771
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/12509292
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/orphan_account/pseuds/orphan_account
Summary: It hurts, Natsume thinks.He drinks his sorrows away,He comes back home at sunrise, smelling like alcohol.He misses all that summer magic.All he feels right now is the cold winter.(Inspired by Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi)





	Plastic Love

**Author's Note:**

> Hi hi!  
> Grossnoona here!  
> I decided to write SubaNatsu that I promised myself to make weeks ago!  
> You have no idea how many plots had been scrapped for this pairing!
> 
> But I finally got the inspo from a song called Plastic Love by Mariya Takeuchi! Do give it a listen, there's [a vaporwave remix](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=R1lLlD2bsjQ) and [the original](https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3bNITQR4Uso), both are great!
> 
> Also, I simply aged up the characters because this wouldn't work out if I used their original ages!  
> And I literally used bolding for Natsume;; I simply did not want to type oddly because it just didn't seem to suit Natsume in this case! Either way, I hope I got all of their characters, right!
> 
> I hope you enjoy it!

_Ironically every guy who asks me out looks like him for some reason_

 

Natsume finds the man he’s chatting to has blue eyes that remind him of a certain someone. A certain someone that he wishes to never associate anyone with. He finds this date nothing but a failure as well. After all, when he saw _those eyes_ he knew he was going back home with a heavy heart.

 

The next man he goes out with had bright orange hair, almost blonde under sunlight, Natsume told himself not to compare.

 

It just wasn’t right to do so but he can’t help but think about him. It’s unfair of him to strike each date down purely because no matter how many times he tries to look at those appearances in a different light, he finds himself thinking about that certain someone. It’s really hopeless and pathetic.

 

‘Another failed date,’ Natsume thinks to himself, taking the train home after declining the man’s offer to send him home.

 

 

_That provokes my memories_

 

Natsume goes to bed, dreaming of memories of a certain year, a certain day and a certain person. It’s truly unfair, he wants to say as he dreams of the same person sharing the same moments that had turned him completely jaded.

 

> “Natsume!” That voice calls out to him,  it’s all warm and reassuring. He feels arms hug his waist that came from behind, he enjoys it. The feeling of being wrapped up in hugs and laughter.
> 
>  
> 
> It feels like summer breeze when Natsume sees him.
> 
>  
> 
> It’s all so warm and breezy, nothing feels out of place. He smiles at Natsume with that shining smile of his while Natsume watches him try to do a handstand while his dog is attempting to distract him. He fails anyhow due to his dog circling him and barking at him in attempt to grab his attention, Natsume laughs at it.

 

Yes, it’s always summer when he’s around. Natsume knows this because that’s the kind of magic he has around him. Whether or not he believes it, doesn’t really matter because Natsume does and Natsume knows magic when he sees it. It’s captivating and surreal because you wouldn’t believe it until you see it with your own very eyes.

 

But just like summer and magic, it gets cold and unwelcoming when it leaves.

 

Natsume wakes up with red-rimmed eyes and tear tracks on his cheeks. He blames it on something illogical like a demon was bothering him in his sleep when someone asks him as he gets breakfast. They never press it any further because they know the truth and they know Natsume doesn’t want to talk about it.

 

No, he doesn’t want _anyone to even acknowledge it_.

 

 

_Even if I drop a glass and suddenly fill my eyes with tears_

 

It hurts, he thinks to himself.

 

He finds his heart shattered like broken glass, it makes him curl up into a ball and cry. He hates it, he hates the feeling of hurt and he wants to put the blame on a certain someone. He wants to bring himself to hate a certain someone but he just can’t--no, he could never.

 

He wished it never boiled down to this but how was he supposed to know that their relationship would foil when it had been so well-crafted? Was Natsume being too selfish towards the other or did he just suddenly realize that Natsume wasn’t the one?

 

Questions like those appear in his mind as he curled up in bed, crying himself to bed.

 

 

_Don't ask me why_

 

No one asks him why because he’ll never answer why. He tells them to never ask him those questions again, he doesn’t care for their concern gazes because there are a few who will definitely tell a certain someone.

 

He never wants to look pathetic in front of that certain someone.

 

Natsume wishes for that certain someone to look at him with disbelief over how much he has gotten over the other, he wants _him_ to crawl back to him not the other way around. He wants to prove himself and others that he’s fine but it seems rather the opposite.

 

He wishes to hide under that facade he had crafted so well but it seems that it has been starting to crack over time and it’s hard to keep it on with how flimsy it has become in front of others. Especially those who have known him over time but they still play along whether it is out of pity or not, he refuses to know.

 

Natsume knows this because sometimes his roommate will bring that certain someone over to play video games with. During those days, Natsume is either forcing himself out on a date or refuses to come out of his room, making up a lie about an assignment that needed to be done when all three of them knew fairly well that Natsume has probably done it a long time ago. He doesn’t care for the concern that certain someone has, he tells himself.

 

Yet, he still comes down for dinner each time that certain someone calls for him.

 

Such a pathetic person, Natsume calls himself as he sits down for dinner with them and eats quietly.

 

 

_Love is just a game_

 

Natsume claims it once he realizes that true love doesn’t exist.

 

That’s when he started to push himself to find a new person to be with. He was excited for the first few but now, he was just filling up the empty feeling of loneliness. He had long forgotten what it was like to be in love because he believes it had died along with those smiles that belonged to that certain someone.

 

It didn’t matter, he thought.

 

As long there was someone to temporarily fill up that feeling, he couldn’t exactly refuse. It didn’t hurt to bring them home and bring them to bed, he knew what they wanted and they knew what he wanted so it wasn’t like he was doing anything wrong. He knows they’ll either stay for the night and go back before he even wakes up or maybe leave that night itself, really depends on them.

 

Sometimes, his roommate will give him concerned looks each time he brings back someone new.

 

It doesn’t matter to Natsume. This game he’s playing is far different from the ones his roommate plays, after all, he just doesn’t get that’s all, Natsume thinks to himself, bringing another man into his room.

 

It doesn’t hurt him one bit when he finds his bed empty when he wakes the next day.

 

 

_If I'm having fun, that's enough_

 

The only reason why he goes out doing things like clubbing, dating, and parties is only to wash away the feeling. People forget the pain when they have fun, right? Natsume does the same, he doesn’t care how he does it. As long as he’s having fun, then it’s enough. He wastes some days, drinking and partying in places that he doesn’t recall who was hosting and he’ll end up with people he doesn’t even bother remembering the faces or names after one night with them.

 

Sure, he’ll take breaks in between those days to sober up and get a grip of himself a little.

 

But when reality knocks on his door, he is greeted with floods of reasons to why he does these things. It shouldn’t matter, he wants to tell himself but he knows it does. He doesn’t come home alone and heart-broken often, rather he comes home intoxicated and someone kissing along his neck as he tries to unlock the door to his room.

 

The next day, he’ll swallow an aspirin and drinks a glass of water that was set by his roommate.

 

He thanks him but he knows that’s not enough to ease off the concern.

 

 

_Fancy dresses and shoes that decorate my closed mind_

 

He turns a blind eye when his roommate comments on the way he dresses to a party. Sometimes, he’ll make a comeback saying how it’d be ridiculous to dress like a prude in a party and then leaves like that. Their conversations when he leaves always end like that; one person gets a little concern for the other’s safety while the other simply ignores it or makes a comeback before leaving.

 

Some days when that certain someone is at their apartment, Natsume makes sure to dress even better than usual. He’ll start dressing in a way, he knew the other has never seen him pull. He’ll do it purposely to provoke the other because he just wants to see what kind of reaction he’ll make.

 

It works like a charm.

 

The faces that certain someone makes always look a little jealous whenever Natsume mentions going to a date. If it’s a party, he’ll look sulky as if he’d want to follow along just to wade off guys from Natsume but they both know it won’t happen because he no longer has a right to do so.

 

When Natsume closes that apartment door behind him, he finds himself just walking to a cafe and sitting there, reading for an hour or two because he feels guilty whenever he sees that certain someone make that face at him. He comes back, lying that he found it boring when they all know he didn’t go because he didn’t stink of alcohol or anything similar to it.

 

 

_They're my friends to ease loneliness_

 

He dresses the best to ease off loneliness especially when he knows that the better he dresses, the more attention he attracts from people. There are people who want to date him and he knows how well it works.

 

Maybe that’s why that certain someone stopped loving him.

 

He never did any of this. He never dressed extremely well to the point some might turn their heads to him, he never became friendly and bright as he is now, he never did anything like that. No, he never thought about it because he thought that certain person loved him for who he is.

 

Guess that certain someone was a liar about loving for Natsume for who he is.

 

It doesn’t matter anyway, he puts on those tight jeans he’s been planning to wear for the next date. He doesn’t spare a glance to his roommate or that certain person, he doesn’t care anymore. He wants to get out of there because he’ll get too lonely if he stays in there for too long.

 

He doesn’t care if the date ends up failing.

 

He still has his clothes and those stares to wade off any form of loneliness.

 

 

_I'm just playing games_

 

Natsume thinks that after that certain someone, he believes that he has never loved any of the people after him. He never kissed them goodbye or called them to do another date, he never did any of those. Not a single one of his date made his heart skip a beat or feel like he was seeing magic being made right in front of him, nope no one could beat that certain someone’s skill in enchanting Natsume like that.

 

He’s just playing along with others when they fall for Natsume.

 

It’s a game, after all, it’s all temporary, there’s no fixed anything with anyone. Natsume knows it and that’s why he still continues to play it. He refuses to have any fixed anything with anyone out of fear that they’ll react the same way as that certain someone. He’s afraid of losing someone all over again, he doesn’t want to feel hurt again because it makes him feel weak and hopeless.

 

He hates that feeling with a burning passion.

 

He knows that as long as he’s good at playing this game, he won’t get hurt anymore. That’s right, getting hurt is impossible if you don’t feel any attachment to the person in front of you. He wants it to be that way until he’s ready.

 

The only issue is that he doesn’t know when he’ll be ready to do anything fixed again. 

 

 _  
_ _I know that's plastic love_

 

It’s all fake, he knows it. The men he brings to bed, the dates he has almost every day. It’s all plastic, not real and obviously cheap. It’s not worth it but does it matter? His heart is wounded up in bandages and yet people still try to get close to it and make attempts to fix it.

 

He knows it all too well and he knows it’s bad for him but it’s all he has.

 

He feels a bit like a junkie, constantly getting with someone for a short moment then being left in an empty bed. It has ultimately become a lifestyle of his and it’s worrying, he knows but it’s the only thing keeping him for dissolving himself in more sadness that he refuses to deal with.

 

Natsume drinks and goes home for that night. He couldn’t get a single catch, probably because no one was up to his taste or they all reminded him of a certain someone.

 

He doesn’t care, he makes his way back to the apartment and casually dismisses the ever so familiar yellow sneakers that look a little worn out but that’s how it has always been.

 

 _  
_ _Dance to the plastic beat_

 

He doesn’t care anymore, he says in his head as he stumbles through the door and catches the glimpses of concern from a certain someone. That concern was enough to make him scream and cry, he hated it. He hated how much he misses the other, he hates that the only reason he’s back at home early is the person standing in his room, looking like he had been stabbed in the heart.

 

He hates it so much, he wants to push him off when he hugs Natsume tightly but he won’t because he misses the smell of orange shampoo and the warmth of his arms. He misses it too much to the point he could bawl over every single touch the other makes on him.

 

“I’m sorry.” Natsume hears a certain someone whisper into Natsume’s hair as he hugs him.

 

He misses this so much.

 

“ **I’m sorry, _Baru-kun_** ,” Natsume cries as he hugs tighter. He misses all of this, he misses the soft kisses all over his face or how he gets all covered up warmly in the other’s jacket. He even misses calling the other by that nickname that the other has grown to love. He needs this, this love that feels real.  He needs it more than anything and it’s all that matters right now.

 

Natsume sleeps well that night, he dreams of summer, sundaes, walks in the park and love. He dreams about them because he has a magical person with him, wrapping him in a soft embrace. It feels a lot better now, he no longer sleeps with a fake presence.

 

Nope, he doesn’t waste his night out in the city, dancing to a plastic beat that does nothing but inserts that plastic-feel on him.

 

 _  
_ _Another morning comes_

 

Natsume wakes up to an empty bed and an aspirin with a glass of water next to his nightstand. A pang of guilt hits him and he truly believes he just had a fever dream because everything that happened must’ve been a dream. He takes the aspirin and drinks the glass of water, feeling his stomach churn because just like him, they thought that last night was the last night he would be living this lifestyle.

 

It seems to be a lie.

 

“Natsume!” A voice calls out, it’s the voice that belongs to a certain someone.

 

He walks to the living area and finds that certain someone--no, Subaru, in his boxers and that stupid t-shirt that has a picture of a cat surrounded by money, making breakfast. It’s an endearing, Natsume thinks to himself as he watches Subaru cook (and hopefully not burn breakfast) while Natsume’s roommate strolls out his room with a relieved face, he’s got to thank that guy because, without him, Natsume would probably puking his guts out and get alcohol poisoning from his many escapades from reality.

 

He thanks his roommate, Isara, for always taking care of him.

 

In a short period of time, Natsume believes him thanking Isara for anything becomes a disaster immediately as Subaru had burnt something along the process and they had ended up having to spend breakfast outside after a poor attempt at saving what could have been eggs and bacon which was something Natsume didn’t like when he had hangovers.

 

But exceptions can be made if it meant a new start for him and Subaru.

**Author's Note:**

> If you notice, by the end of the fic, it seems the lyrics slowly become unrelated to the situations purely bc I didn't want to keep Natsume sad and lonely like this bc im not into suffering ok
> 
> idk if i'll ever get around to writing a subaru side (like the kogamika fics except for the whole steady-building timeline it has) but hopefully i will!
> 
> If you wanna talk or scream at my disastrous skills at angst, you can find me on twt at @hyelinslisp!  
> Bye bye, thanks for reading!


End file.
